Kiena Dawes deserved justice, not being blamed for her mental health
Yesterday I found myself sobbing upon reading the horrific story of domestic abuse victim Kiena Dawes, the young mother of a beautiful baby girl, who took her own life after enduring years of horrific abuse at the hands of her ex partner Ryan Wellings – a monster who doesn’t even deserve to have his name or face placed alongside the bright and popular hairdresser.
For her story felt all too familiar to one that I’ve lived myself previously, yet one that I was lucky to escape from. But today I’ve found my anguish over reading this upsetting case turn into absolute fury. Furious at a system that continues to fail victims like Kiena Dawes, 23, and furious that the blame for their suffering is so often placed squarely on their shoulders.
Kiena’s tragic story, reported in countless media outlets, is one of devastating abuse compounded by systemic negligence. Her life was stolen, not just by an abuser, but by a system that diagnosed her with a “disorder” instead of holding her perpetrator accountable. And Kiena is far from alone.
Let’s talk about this insidious trend: the false diagnosis of victims of trauma with personality disorders, particularly Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or as it’s now being euphemistically called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD). These labels, instead of offering help or understanding, often serve as a form of victim-blaming, a way of saying, “The problem is with you. It’s your personality, your brain, your inherent flaw.” It shifts the focus away from the abuse and trauma they’ve endured and onto an invented defect in the victim themselves.
Kiena’s diagnosis of EUPD was, in many ways, a final betrayal. The diagnosis of her vulnerability has been blamed by vapid commenters online, some of who had the audacity to question her credibility, to shift the blame from her abuser to Kiena. “Well, she had problems before even meeting him,” one commenter writes, clearly missing the valid fact that vulnerable people are all too often targeted by abusers, only to have their traumas exploited later down the line. It’s also a diagnosis that sticks, following victims like a shadow, colouring every interaction they have with law enforcement, healthcare providers, and society at large. It whispers, “Don’t take her seriously. She’s unstable. It’s all in her head.” The result? A systemic failure to protect and a lifetime of being dismissed.
The diagnostic criteria for BPD is so broad and overinclusive that today, it’s almost meaningless. Anxiety? Depression? Difficulty trusting others? Congratulations, you might qualify. As the article rightly points out, the overlap with other conditions like ADHD, bipolar disorder, and PTSD makes it nearly impossible to accurately diagnose. And yet, despite being discredited by both ICD-10 and ICD-11 diagnostic workgroups, BPD remains firmly entrenched in psychiatric practice. Why? Because powerful lobbies demanded it. Not because it serves the best interests of those diagnosed with it.
This is not just a psychiatric debate. It’s a matter of life and death. When victims like Kiena reach out for help, they’re met with scepticism, not support. The police and authorities too often write victims off, and tell them – just like the police in the video of Kiena as she sobbed her heart out at 31 weeks pregnant while covered in blood – to “calm down, take a deep breath,” rather than seeing them as victims of horrific abuse. Instead of investigating their claims or protecting them from their abusers, they’re left to fend for themselves, fighting against both their trauma and a system that has abandoned them.
Make no mistake: this is systemic gaslighting. Labelling victims with personality disorders reinforces the idea that the problem lies within them, rather than with the perpetrators who’ve hurt them. It’s the ultimate form of victim-blaming, cloaked in the guise of medical science. And the consequences are devastating. Kiena’s tragic case is proof of that. She needed protection, support, and validation. Instead, she was handed a diagnosis that served as her undoing.
I am not alone in my outrage. Many others have seen through this farce. This extract from an journal I read recently says it all: “The overlap of borderline features with almost every other psychiatric disorder, particularly ADHD, bipolar disorder and other mood disorders, also muddies the diagnostic waters… Because the criteria for diagnosis are so overinclusive… a borderline diagnosis could be made even if there is no personality pathology.” This isn’t psychiatry; it’s a catch-all bucket for people society doesn’t want to deal with.
For Kiena, and for countless others like her, this has to change. We must hold perpetrators accountable and demand a system that supports victims, not pathologise them. Trauma is not a personality disorder. Abuse is not a mental health defect. And victims like Kiena deserve better than to be silenced by a label that was never meant to help them in the first place.
Let’s put the blame where it belongs: on the abusers, the enablers, and the broken systems that allow this to happen. Kiena’s story should be a wake-up call. It’s time to tear down this harmful narrative and rebuild a system that protects, supports, and believes victims of abuse. Anything less is unacceptable.
And I beg, if you ever hear of someone whisper that the victim is just as much to blame as the abuser, simply because they have a history of mental health, please don’t stand there in silence — challenge it, confront it, and demand justice.
