The narcissist’s happiness hoax – are they really doing better without you?

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If you’ve torn yourself away from a narcissist, you should congratulate yourself.
As time goes on, you will begin to heal after removing yourself from the abuse, the lies, and the mind-games.
A certain amount of time after the break-up — usually not long, when it comes to narcissists — your ex will find someone new. Whether you’re happy they’re out of your life or not, this can still be upsetting to hear.

The narcissist will go out of their way to ensure you know about their new relationship. This could be through social media posts, mutual connections, or even directly contacting you about it.
They might even thank you, to tell you how much they appreciated your time together and how much they learned from the break up, to be a better person for their new partner.

You might see everything you thought you had in the beginning of your relationship with the new supply. You’ll see happy faces, gushing posts, and what looks like domestic bliss.
The person who made your self-esteem drop to the floor appears to have completely vanished.

You might start to question your own worth, and ask yourself questions like, “Why couldn’t they be like that for me?,” “Wasn’t I enough?,” or “Was it my fault?”
Part of the pain that ensues is knowing they coupled up with or met this person while you were together, and lied about it the entire time.

However, as time goes on, you will start to realise the new supply is merely another pawn in their sadistic game.
The important thing to remember is that narcissists and sociopaths can never change, and they will soon abuse their next victim.

They are obsessed with the idealised image of themselves, which they believe to be superior to everybody else. They are deeply miserably people with low self-esteem, so they create an inflated version of themselves in their minds, giving them a false sense of superiority.

Narcissists can never really love anyone. Every relationship they have is transactional, meaning they are always looking into what they can get out of it. Sooner or later, they will suck their partner dry of money, enthusiasm, self-esteem, or all three, and they discard them without looking back.

I promise you this though, the narcissist cannot and never will truly love this person.
Part of their flaunting the new supply in front of you is to also try and cause you further pain whilst extracting what they need from the new person.
Narcissists need consistent adoration, attention and praise from this new person.
While receiving this they will tell their new partner lies about you and sometimes, get the new person to abuse you further.

During their new transaction with this person, they will paint themselves as the victim and tell them you were crazy, abusive or both.
The truth is they are furious that you saw through them – the ultimate narcissistic injury – and they cannot stand this.
So, in a bid to torment you further, they will find someone new, normally someone who is nothing to write home about, and they will be the complete opposite of you.

If you are popular, successful in your career and feisty, they will find someone who is lonely or perhaps from another country, doesn’t have a great job and won’t speak their mind.
In truth, the narc is so seething and jealous of your integrity and traits that they will try and twist the knife in as much as possible.
If the narcissist is especially sadistic, he’ll choose a woman who will never measure up to her -a woman who will never threaten his superior status as a man.

In other words: The narcissist trades down, not up. He punishes his former lover for being whole.
Narcissists are so very predictable. As sure as the sun rises each morning, you know that he will display his new source of supply at every possible opportunity.

But remember, the Narcissist is a skilled and convincing actor. After all, he fooled you into believing you were the love of his life, perhaps even his past lives. How long was he able to keep up the charade? Months? Possibly years? There’s no such thing as a Narcissist getting better. if anything they get worse.

Then, after his mask started slipping, he likely expected you to keep up appearances in front of everyone. Still yet, when you discovered his lies, online dating profiles, and infidelities, he convinced you that he had reasonable justifications for it all. That somehow, in spite of his love crimes, he still wanted you and was in love with you.

Don’t believe in their new facade. Trust that the mask will once again slip in time and that the new girl will find out in due time. They always do.

Styletto Mag is a Scottish online magazine that publishes the latest articles on fashion, beauty, travel, food and relationships. The site was founded in August 2011. Styletto Mag is a sleek, easy to access online magazine which features shopping trends, beauty reviews, funny features, and women's lifestyle articles. To contribute or submit articles, send them to

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