When the narcissist recruits your ‘friends’ as flying monkeys

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Those who have researched studies of narcissism will be familiar with the term ‘flying monkeys’ and how they’re used as a tool for the narcissist’s abuse.

Narcissists will almost ‘recruit’ people – aka the flying monkeys – to spread rumours and gossip about you or to do the sadistic bidding for the narcissist.



One of the tactics that a narcissist might use is hiring a ‘friend,’ although they are more likely to be a frenemy, to heighten the smear campaign against you.

They might specifically target a ‘friend’ of yours, particularly one who they know is secretly jealous of you or likely to betray you, to form part of their group of flying monkeys.

The narcissist begins grooming your friends and family from the moment they meet them, planting little seeds of doubts in their minds to see just how strong your bond is with them.

They might make secret phone calls to the person they hope to recruit as a flying monkey, or tell them false stories about you so the potential flying monkey begins to doubt you or turn against you.



Once they have planted seeds of doubt, such as making the people around you believe you are crazy or a liar, a flying monkey becomes an enabler and supporter of the narcissist.

Many of the people who become flying monkeys will have secretly felt some sort of pathological envy or bitterness to you at one point.

Real friends would tell you what the narcissist has been up to and that they’ve called them, but the sneaky ones who weren’t really friends won’t bother.

Narcissists are extremely insecure individuals who need to play ‘the victim’ and will therefore recruit a harem of naïve flying monkeys to help them with their smear campaign.



Those who become the narc’s flying monkey usually love drama and have issues with integrity or a jealousy towards you when it comes to success, looks, or even money.

During the ‘devalue’ stage in particular, narcissists will have already been sneaking around behind your back, talking about how they are ‘worried for you,’ how you’re ‘mentally unwell’ or that they are upset that you ‘can’t stop lying.’

The purpose of this is to make the other person doubt you and to take their side, so when the narcissist is finally ready to discard you they will have the support of your so called friends and relatives, and to isolate you and turn people against you at the same time.

Narcissists have a pathological need for power and they will be feeling superior and on top of the world during the smear campaign.



They will try to paint themselves as a victim to everyone around them in order to gain sympathy and / or attention.

Cluster B personality types tend to project and they might even tell those around them that YOU are the narcissist.

If you have ever told them about something bad that happened to you in the past, or something you have suffered, they will use this against you by spinning a web of lies about you.

They might do something to provoke you in front of a crowd of people so that you react and then other people will later use this against you.

The last stage of this flying monkey stage is after the discard. This is when you are needing your friends and family most, but because of this connection your narcissist has developed with your friends and family the narcissist quickly runs to them spreading lies about you.



Whatever the narcissist did wrong they will accuse you of. Next, the narcissist will spread lies and target the best things about you. This mixture of little hurtful lies wounds us most deeply because they challenge our most protected characteristics.

The narcissist’s mask of ‘playing victim’ is going to be believed by your friends. The narcissist has hand targeted the weakest links in your friend pool – those that are most easily controlled.

Narcissists can use mobbing against you so that you feel unsure of your reality and blame yourself.

Just remember that your perception of reality is REAL and that if a friend becomes a flying monkey, they were never your friend in the first place.



Styletto Mag is a Scottish online magazine that publishes the latest articles on fashion, beauty, travel, food and relationships. The site was founded in August 2011. Styletto Mag is a sleek, easy to access online magazine which features shopping trends, beauty reviews, funny features, and women's lifestyle articles. To contribute or submit articles, send them to editor.styletto@gmail.com.


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